You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
