SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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