I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
