I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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