Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
