WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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