I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
