You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
