He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
We just shotgunned beers for America
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
