i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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