i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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