there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
