I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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