We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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