i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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