someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
