I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
