so that wasnt chicken after all
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Oh god it's open bar.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
