nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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