Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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