True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
