ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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