So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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