I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
