omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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