I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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