I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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