I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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