i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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