Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
