I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
