There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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