I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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