That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
