Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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