Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
