Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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