Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
