How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
