so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
