I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
