WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
