drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
