so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
