i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
