His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
