She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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