Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
