If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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