The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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