im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
