apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
